she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
