I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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