i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
