he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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