Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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