There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
