dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize