Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize