I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
