I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
