well I can't set my house on fire every night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
