ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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