You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Even my vagina gasped.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
