i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're like the curious george of whores
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
