peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
