Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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