the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
