I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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