So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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