i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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