Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Alive.
So much puke
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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