took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
