we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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