Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
