Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
