He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
