Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
