glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
