Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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