After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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