My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
