forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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