I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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