You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
