if you like me you must not know who I am
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
