Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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