You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
