were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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