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Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
