never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
