got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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