Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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