Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
