My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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