Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
