i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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