You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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