theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
