i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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