i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
