goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ttyl tear gas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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