just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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