The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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