In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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