I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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