no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
