Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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