So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
