Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we're so committed to being not committed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
